Nigella

Nigella Lawson looked awesome on ‘Who wants to be a millionaire’ last night. No fancy clothes, no make up – just raw sex appeal and brains. She has more curves than a plate of spaghetti and is just so damn sultry! Nigella if you’re reading my blog I’m single and willing to be a cooks assistant, you can even lick my spoon !

Ironic

The intro quote from one of my fave films 'Casino', I just find it quite ironic for me personally at the moment.

'When you love someone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And, for a while... I believed that's the kind of love I had.'

The Trooper

Well I’m sat here at work, sniffling with a bit of a cold and just digesting some more crap news we’ve had here. To be honest the last few days away from work have been pretty pointless, I had intended to go somewhere but then that didn’t happen so I was left with a largely unplanned few days. I headed to my local but that doesn’t feel like my local anymore, I realised that my friends / drinking partners are in fact more of the latter, just drinking partners. On the Saturday day time I went into town with them for a drink and that only really confirmed some thoughts I had – I don’t like where I live. Maybe I’m just getting older but I still enjoy a sociable drink, just not where I live as the pubs have turned into plastic featureless icons that have no character or characters! Bars in my area tend to go from one extreme to another with no in between. I’m really disillusioned with my town, where I live, my job, my personal life but you know what? I’m gonna be a trooper and soldier on because deep down that’s the type of person I am. I recently read a persons blog who I know; personally I thought their blog was one of self pity and of a confessional nature, perhaps a little self indulgent and I decided I’d never make my blog like that. I do know from my psychotherapy diploma that disclosure does help but I'm not sure a blog is the right forum. Sure this blog is about my life, its events, my feelings and such but even though I’m feeling down right now for lots of different reasons I’m still positive, I’m still in the game, I’m still standing and I’m still a trooper (though not quite as ugly as the iron maiden picture above plus I wouldn’t wave a union jack around either but hey I like the picture!)

Elephant in my pyjamas

It is actually a nice feeling to be back at work tonight after a few days off. I guess work puts that bit of order into our lives and gives us a purpose, we may crave lazy days but we soon become lazy ourselves. Though I don’t really like my job anymore but I do really like the people I work with and that makes a difference. I’ve often joked we are like the Marx brothers because of comparable antics we get up to. Things don’t really seem to be looking good for where I work, if I move on then I’ll have good memories and will have worked with some of the best people ever. So anyway here’s a picture of us all, I’m not sure who we all resemble or act like on our three man shift but I quite fancy myself as Groucho. Why do I fancy myself as Groucho? Well because last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas – how it got into my pyjamas I’ll never know !!!

And here’s how I retort to clients – ‘those are my principles… and if you don’t like them, well I have others!'

Or

'Quote me as saying – I was misquoted'

More Passions

If you’ve heard this story before – don’t stop me because I’d like to hear it again !

Yep, we are talking my favourite band of the moment – The Passions. I’ve been listening to their amazing cd over the last week and I love it. I’ve done various posts on music sites to see if anyone else was interested in them and got nothing back, until yesterday that was. I’m now content in the fact I’m not the only Passions fan out there – now there’s two of us!

Taxation without representation

My area council have published this year’s rates, poll tax or community charge as some call it in the local newspaper. Quite frankly it’s a stupid amount of money for services rendered. The council state they’ve improved the town and cleaned up the centre but they’ve chose to ignore the outer area’s that need attention and rejuvenation the most. Some years ago I really loved my town, I felt it was something to be proud of but these days I just loathe it. The local council boast of new initiatives but what I see when I open my local paper is the mayor on his usual rounds of hand shaking and posing for pictures at local events or with other dignitaries. Mayor, I’ve got a suggestion for you – wake up and smell the coffee! Get out there and talk to real people, listen to them and get behind a desk and do some work – forget posing for the press. Its just isn’t me that’s not seeing improvements, everyone I know has some issue or other at the moment. Last year the council put a sign outside my flat that stated ‘no ball games’. Within two hours of it going up the local thugs pulled it down. I rang the council and told them what had happened and they did… you guessed it – nothing.

Still paying my tax will at least pay towards some local council member to go on a fact finding mission to Barbados – all expenses paid.

Euphoria is a silver state - until you wake

There’s sometimes when you stop thinking with your heart and the brain steps in and gives you a kick up the arse and tells you to get real. Clarity and truth are often hard facts to face, daily we ignore things just because we are in a safe place, we know problems are there but it’s easier to ignore them. Then of course, eventually you get that wake up call, reality sets in and boy does it hurt sometimes. To quote a favourite song of mine;

Euphoria is a silver state – until you wake.

Hell, I never wanted to make my blog emotional but I have to be congruent here, this is a diary of my thoughts and feelings, best to disclose stuff now and at least get the inner therapy for doing so.

Sure, I’m angry, bitter, disappointed and a bit down at the moment, it would be easy not to show my weaknesses and adopt a blog ‘visage’ of being cool but we are becoming a society of people who are afraid to express emotions and to sum that up with an emotion – that’s sad.

Absence

Absence, its amazing how empty you feel when someone you care about isn’t around. There’s someone in my life that isn’t around right now and I miss them terribly. The person I’m very fond of needs a time out and I understand why but if you’re reading this then please know I do miss you and all of this seems very unnatural and empty. I know some people need time outs but I just feel I want to reach out and help, be there for them and try and to understand. I guess I just feel in a vacuum after being used to daily communication and though we all need space at times I do think this causes drifting. Ironically when that ‘special someone’ isn’t around you hear the songs that remind you of them which just brings a knot to your stomach and fond memories flooding back.

BUT

This isn’t about me, it’s about that person and wanting her to know I want to put things right, want to understand and want to carry on caring. I just truly hope she is ok and for her to know she doesn’t have to be alone – I’m always there.


On that cold day I sulked and shrugged
not knowing all you needed
was warm words
and a simple hug

Please forgive a clouded mind
and the odd selfish thought
I didn’t mean to upset you
that was never what I sought

All I ever want is to see you smile
to hear you laugh
forever walk for you
that extra mile

So please let me make amends
give it another try
because if you don’t
I’m sure my heart will die

Passions

Eureka, Hells Bells, By Jove !

At last it arrived, the compact disk that cost me a fortune – 30’000 ft over China by ‘The Passions’. I’ve been searching for more stuff by The Passions since I heard their early 80’s magnetic chart hit ‘I’m in love with a German film star’. The song has such an impact on me I had to hear more by them, so began my search. So on the strength of hearing one song I began to trawl the net for them, I looked on ebay, music sites and even emailed people in countries world wide. I knew they had cd’s out there, I just didn’t realise how rare they were. There were times I felt like giving up, they would just become a musical myth, never to be heard by me but then through pure chance (and maybe fate?) I found them. It happened as I looked on a website for rare Toyah stuff, I was checking links to other sites where I could get her rare tracks. I followed a link to a site called gemm.com who don’t actually sell music but have a database of people worldwide that do, people that specialise in rare items and well as stock the usual mainstream stuff. I did my search and there it was, I was so shocked I checked it again and again. So, after doing some homework on the site I ordered from a guy in the States and now I have it.

Is it any good?

Well some of you may think me foolish for ordering something on the strength of hearing one track, especially as the cd cost me nearly £40 but in all honesty – I’m very, very happy with it.

It has a nice early 80’s new wave feel to it combined with sublime and sometimes eerie lyrics weaving in and out of some nice guitar work. There’s elements of early goth in there, a definite post punk influence too but not radical stuff. Tracks of note include ‘Small Stones, Bachelor Girls, The Square and Skin Deep and of course German Film star’ I’ve no idea why ‘The Passions’ didn’t become more famous, there’s very little on the net about them. One site I did find has a discography and the author rightly enthuses about them and also remarks about the singer Barbara Cogan sings so ‘dispassionately’ about her love for a German film star.

So, I have some more ‘Passions’ and now I want more !

‘I’m in love with a German film star reached No.26 in the charts back in February 1981. The Passions originate from north London.

For more rare music check out the link below

www.gemm.com

Ego stroking

I watched John Cleese’s comedy heroes last night at 10pm on channel five. I thought I was going to be in for an hour of good television but how wrong I was. Instead I got an hour of Cleese stroking his comedy buddies ego’s. He did talk about genuine funny shows like Hancock’s half hour and mentioned the immortal Spike Milligan but the show was crafted in such a way Cleese became self indulgent and nostalgic about his own personal history. He didn’t drone on about Fawlty Towers (which is a classic) but he did go about Monty Python and his days supporting the goons on the radio. I was thinking to myself is he going to mention any comedian he doesn’t know or hasn’t worked with? Michael Palin’s ego was stroked with gushy admiration and although I like Palin I don’t really think he’s a comic genius.

Of course he did mention others such Steve Martin and French and Saunders and even the great Marx Brothers but he groaned about ‘getting tired of Groucho insulting old women in films’ which pissed me off because although Groucho did banter a lot with Margaret Dumont in films there was a million more one liners that came forth. To Cleese’s credit he did mention the ‘Young Ones’ with Mayall and Edmonson which has also been one of my faves, part surreal-part comedy plus it had bands playing songs in their living room.

Next week it’s Lenny Henry, who in my opinion has never been funny, well he was funny as the phantom flan flinger on Tiswas but that was a silent and masked role – I just wonder who he’ll pick and if he picks his wife (the lovely) Dawn French, there will be another moaning blog.

Women

I love women, I really do love every aspect about them, it’s in my genetic make up as a male of the species I guess but do I understand them?

That is an entirely different thing altogether!

As Sean Connery once said ‘I like all women, I don’t understand them but I like them’

It must be the worlds best hidden secret because after 36 years on this earth I still cannot work women out, they remain as mysterious, interesting and as fickle as ever. After studying Psychology and Psychotherapy the female mind and its inner workings remain mostly cloaked to me - as unpredictable as ever.

As males we often act on hunches and tried and trusted sage advice, we know the usual suspects of compliments and gifts work but then again these are tools to used to please a female, not unlocking the inner workings of her mind. Sometimes we are just ignorant to their needs or how they feel, Women will often quote that men will ‘never understand them’ or ‘he’s a typical male’ and to a large degree they are right.

Men are men after all and if anyone was ever to fully comprehend the workings of the female mind they’d be very rich indeed.

A man is given the choice between loving a woman and understanding them

Ninon De L’Enclos

Women are wiser than men because they know less but understand more

James Thurber

Women are meant to be loved, not understood

Oscar Wilde

Some men just don’t understand that a woman’s heart is like a deep ocean of secrets

Alicia Figgs

And lastly my favourite

A woman may need know but one man well, in order to understand them; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them

Helen Rowland

I rest my case !!!!!!

I can only be me

I know I’m stubborn
sometimes fey
and that sometimes
I just don’t know what to say

I’m not without faults
neither am I comely
not nice and trim
looking at myself
I feel ready for the recycle bin

I try so hard, try in vain
try to deal with my inner pain
to be myself and true
try to see each day as new

but can I be what you want?
what you really want to see?
can I be what you desire?

alas I can only be me