Thursday, November 19, 2009

Relationships


I've had my fair share I guess and in general most of my memories of them, on reflection are positive. For over a year now I've been single after a relationship that turned very intense and very sour, very quickly. Sadly these days I am very impassive when it comes to romance and love, it's almost like each relationship numbs you a little more, blockades the path to your heart more - in my case I am suspecting the blockade is almost complete.

It's not that I have lost the capacity to yearn and lust, or to even believe in true love, it's just it seems almost impossible to conceive at times. I've never professed to be a wizard when it comes to relationships, like anyone I have foibles, I make mistakes but when I have loved in the past it's been unreservedly. I could say I've done well as regards the ladies, even though I'm not the tallest most handsome chip off the block. The strategy I've employed has always been one of you have to be in it to win it, to cast physical doubts aside and just project forward who I really am, and be happy about it, I can't be a wall flower - I fought the wall flower battle long ago.

So, over the years relationships, dalliances and casual acquaintances have come and gone, in an odd subconscious way I oddly feel they've all given me something, yet stripped something away too, it's a hard feeling to communicate or quantify easily. In a confessional I can only say acceptance is a big issue with me, yet on rare occasions when I do find it - then I lean towards disbelief, though that's not the case with the last relationship, I felt I had acceptance then, without a doubt but the bottom line was in my heart I knew she wasn't for me at all. This was partly for her actions and in the long run a fear that she would drag me down a path in life I didn't really want to go, especially as some of my sensibilities were very different to hers.

Before the last relationship I was involved in a complex polyamory one for a few months, though I found it rewarding I felt towards the end I was getting too dragged in and ultimately it would lead to nothing, apart from probable heartbreak. I detached myself from it and in doing so remained firm friends with the person involved. In that poly set up I knew I was perhaps, because of a few factors the least important cog in the mechanism (and I don't say that in a bitter way either.)

Prior to the above and very much behind me now was a long standing love that literally broke me in two, and for a long while I might add but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger as they say. Interspersed in all of this say three year period were brief assignations, most of them sensationalism or ego based for both parties to be fair.

So where am I going with all this? I'm not sure I even know, I need the therapy of disclosure I guess, or I wouldn't be sat here typing this whilst my stomach is telling me I need food! The bottom line is that I still believe in love, I want to live the dream and accomplish the realisation of it, dispel my doubts and conquer my fears. I just find it so ironic that after my past (a decadent one at that!) I'm still single. I could be fatalistic about it all but the pessimist in me is starting to convince me I will be single forever! The thing is, I don't mind being single, it's a life less complicated but there's this gnawing feeling at me of late that I actually do want to find 'Mrs Right' and make a concerted effort with it all, to reap its rewards and find happiness - after all isn't that what we are genetically programmed to do?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Winter in Sherwood

Well it would seem winter is well and truly here, I took these photos in Sherwood forest the other day, I had to smile to myself as I saw the great old Major Oak, kept upright on supports yet still adorned with a good amount of greenery. I love Sherwood when it's quiet yet I'm still surprised how many visit the forest in winter time. The visitors centre does a cracking breakfast too. The Major Oak amazed me as a boy - and it still amazes me now.

Birches aside the pathway



I'm sure this tree has a screaming face near the top, can you see it?


The Major Oak, wearing the onset of winter well.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Castle Pub, Newark - Epilogue.

So, The Castle pub, what happened next? Well the manager apologised to my old man and vice verse, fair play to the manager on that score. I believe my old man does plan to go back in to see a friend play there in the near future. As for me, I'm pretty sure I won't be welcome but it's not the end of the world, there's other places to frequent, cheaper ones at that.

The purpose of this blog is to clear up a few loose ends and respond to a couple of exaggerations.

Firstly I have to point out I was on good terms with the management of the Castle before the previous blog/incident. The fact that I decided to blog about events wasn't the result of some long standing feud or disagreement, I wanted to make what I felt were valid points. Which as a consumer I'm allowed to do, there may have been a little fire and brimstone in what I said but it wasn't a personal attack on either of them, when I feel strongly about something, I act on it, especially when it regards someone I care about. I don't bear the management any malice or ever did, this isn't some silly vendetta or feelings of hatred.

I still think the pricing policy is wrong, and I'm not alone in that but I accept that's just the way things work sometimes - however it doesn't make it right does it? Seemingly most people are apathetic these days regarding such things and prefer to pay or sit on the fence. Ok pubs can charge what they want, and drinking out is quite pricey these days but I think people should be at least made aware they are paying more for a half, then they can decide what to do.

As for urging people not to drink in the Castle, I can see how that looks, and for my part I'll retract that, people can make up their own minds, though if asked about my feelings on the pub I will of course say my bit, though I won't be saying 'don't drink there' I'll be saying 'make your own opinions on the place/management'.

I still feel the manager handled the situation wrong but he's apologised so there's no need for me to carp on about that.

Silly rumours. Despite not going in the Castle, word does reach me of events, printed copies of my blog going around, stories of me slamming doors on the managers wife etc. Firstly they can circulate my blog as much as they want, that's the whole point of it, so I ought to thank them really. Secondly, there wasn't any door slamming at all, I held the door open, then when his wife had passed by I looked at a friend, grinned and made out I was going to slam it, so let's separate fact from fiction here, no actual door slamming took place.

On the grounds of my last blog, of course I can see why I'm not popular with the management, it's understandable but for my part now, what's done is done, there's no vitriol or hatred and there hasn't been any confrontations or anyone kicking off, I don't work that way anyway.

So that is it really. I'm never going to shy away from blogging on something I feel strongly about because I've never been a fence sitter, and never will be but as far as I am concerned now the matter is closed.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Wells-Next-The-Sea

Wells-Next-The-Sea is a small slightly inland fishing village on the north Norfolk coast, proabably about an hour and a half from here steady driving. I was at a loose end a few weeks ago and after visiting my old man for a coffee he suggested we take a ride there for something to do, and what a great idea it was as it's a cracking little picturesque place. Here's a few photos of that day.









Le Donk and Scor-Zay Zee signing at Nottingham

I'm a little late with this one, as it happened back on the 26th of October! Ryan, Luke and myself had a day out down Nottingham for the dvd signing of Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee. The signing itself was at HMV at 1pm, and thankfully we didn't queue for long before getting our newly purchased copies of the Le Donk dvd signed by Paddy Considine, Shane Meadows and Scor-zay-see himself. I had a little joke with Paddy Considine and then we were off to sample a few beers in the Lace market area before ending up at Hooters for the 'Chicken wing challenge' as it's about £7 for as many chicken wings as you can eat topped with a sauce of your choice. I went for very hot and suffered the next day for it! Anyway, I managed 3o wings, in 3 plates of 10, so not bad going, the record is 70 we were told by the staff. Below are a few photos of that day, mainly of Luke and Ryan holding up daft calendars and a blurred photo of Ryan getting his dvd signed, a good day was had by all!


Ale !


Ryan with a Rick Astley calendar



Luke with a Cliff Richard calendar !



A very blurred Mr Considine and Meadows!

Well.....

It's been a while, there was me saying I was going to blog more and then don't but I have been busy of late. What's been happening? Well ... not that much really. I've had a few problems with my right eye, and have had to visit Queens Medical at Nottingham a few times. Seemingly I do have a problem with vitrious jelly in the eye but there's nothing they can do surgery wise to rectify it, apart from a vitrectomy that carries a big risk of causing blindness - no thanks!

So it's very much a case of learning to deal with the irritation and get on with life, I've never been one to wallow in self pity and besides my eye sight is fine, so why undertake any risks for something I can cope with.

Apart from that life has been good and things have been ticking along nicely. It looks like the car may need some work soon as the cam shaft is making a dodgy noise but she's due for a service and MOT in January, so hopefully it'll hang on till then. I've a few blogs planned, and have been meaning to write for a while, hopefully the next few days should see some new stuff up, and no doubt there'll be the odd controversial one too !

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Castle Pub, Newark.

It's very rare these days that I need to actually use my long standing blog as a forum for remonstrance purposes, though on this occasion I feel no reluctance at all in airing my views, which will be objective and not personal in nature.

Some 18 months ago (roughly) the Castle pub in Newark was taken over by new management, after a succession of poor laissez faire managers. It quickly became evident that the new management had plenty of enthusiasm and wanted to take the pub in a new direction, they soon found a niche in Newark's pub scene and a bar that was music orientated emerged and was quickly embraced by the locals. I guess the pub appealed to the young and old but the client base I would state were generally more the 30+ age bracket with a vested interest in music and seemingly unfettered glee at the new reinvigorated venue. The pub certainly did subsume their needs at the beginning.

Months fell off the calendar and the Castle pub's following rose, my father, a music lover spent much of his time down there either socialising or playing on the two weekly jam sessions, he extolled the virtues of the place, built fixtures and fitting for it and welcomed the new management into his home, where he cooked a meal for them. As for myself, I was never enamoured with the layout of the pub, I remained reserved yet positively friendly towards the management and generally advised people it was a good little watering hole with something happening almost on a nightly basis.

As the Castle pub's popularity grew the management were heralded in the local press, after all it was good news for the town, and the country was in a recession after all. Success though, strokes the ego, it can often falsely lead us to become complacent but let's take a moment to examine the real management structure of the Castle pub. Firstly I must confess I have no pub management experience as regards finances, some practices and structure, though I did work at Mansfield brewery for many years before its closure and during my time there I ran and maintained the Brewery bar which was used for regular events for local businessmen, dignitaries and the workforce on occasion. In other jobs I've had management positions and experience but I wouldn't really say I am a natural leader, or want to be. Anyway, I digress, and back to my theme - the fundamentals of pub management are as we all know customer focused, as indirectly the customer is paying the wages and keeping the pub alive, so keeping the customer happy, entertained and feeling they have got value for money is paramount. In the Castle's case, as I recall there were three prices hikes in the first six or seven months, when most pubs were using price initiatives the Castle management eager to capitalise on their success and 'seemingly' established client base were happy to rise prices. I suppose in their eyes they were providing entertainment but the reality was the success of the pub had largely been built on the enthusiasm of the musically orientated regulars, after all, word spreads and people flock in to listen to music or support likeminded friends.

At this point, and resting very much on premature laurels and acclamation the management began to exercise power, a power that would soon manifest itself to alienate the workforce and regulars alike.

My friend, a very adept and time served barman was the first to go without rhyme or reason, there were other personnel changes too. The management style seemed to be one of utter delegation. I know in my friends case, any advice he gave was quickly rebuked and I suspect that the management felt uncomfortable at his knowledge, his ready charisma with the customers and general bar savvy, indeed he did entice many a customer from a local in town for a good while, thus bolstering the takings. The management in an increasing self confident, belligerent style refused to give him any reason for his severance from the pub. He duly took them to a tribunal I gather and a settlement was reached out of court.

By this time however derision at the pubs management was on the increase and so was a growing awareness at the managements social skills, bluntness and selective speaking to customers. People were questioning how the real ale was kept, members of the local 'Camra' branch expressed concern at the quality and value of the beer. As the Roman historian Tacitus once said;

'All enterprises that are entered into with indiscreet zeal may be pursued with great vigour at first, but are sure to collapse in the end.'

And that was certainly the case with the management, as they regularly told punters how good they were doing and the fact they were getting bonus's because of it. On reading this the management could retort on past profits and the fact they have appeared in the local press and the good pub guide but my retort to that is simple, the people that often write such guides often don't really know what's going on. Any manager can put as much spin on their bar as they want, pull as many complimentary pints as they want, they can easily conceal the true feel of the pub. But let's not get too acidic here, the pub has done well in a somewhat harsh economic environment but I think, as do others that the pub has reached the pinnacle of its capabilities and has now turned the corner. Jam sessions at the pub are no longer as busy as once were, the client base is changing and more unsavoury types are creeping in, the once regular old loyal clientele are looking elsewhere as they feel more disenchanted with rising prices, abrupt/selective front of house service and a bar that is both confining and that has long since reached its potential.

On to more recent events, and an event in particular that demonstrates management ineptness in dealing with what was we Brit's call 'a storm in a tea cup'. First let's touch upon the managers attitude which has been described by people as blunt, aloof and generally one that isn't as accepting and friendly as it could be. There is an element of selectiveness, on who is spoken to, that's been relayed a good while among the fast leaving regulars for sure. We all know any pub manager, landlord or bar staff have to have an air of positive total regard, even if they aren't keen on the person in front of them, personal preconceptions have to be put aside, a friendly smile needs to be in place and a cheery disposition exercised, after all that's what keeps punters coming back. Yet the pubs manager is often described as dour, taciturn and plainly unsociable, especially to those outside of his immediate small clique of friends and regular hard core drinkers. The management seem unable to take money in a friendly business like fashion, if you don't drink copious amounts in the pub regularly then you won't be made as welcome as the people that do, and if you don't like the managements attitude then a 'put up or shut up' atmosphere prevails.

So, back to the thread. My dad that has contributed much to the making of the place, as many regulars have had for a good while before becoming disillusioned with the place. Past input and ideas haven't been regarded favourably and the free couple of drinks for the people that used to give their time and energy to play there on jam nights and days have stopped. It seems that success having been reached that people can be disregarded a little, in this respect I think this has been a serious miscalculation on the management's part.

The incident I've long been coming to (sorry!) involved the price of a pint. My dad and his friend decided to have two halves before leaving, yet the pubs pricing policy dictates that halves for some absurd reason are charged more for. So two halves of Guinness cost £3.30 instead of the usual cost of a price of a pint of Guinness which is £3.15 even though the actual volume is the same, blatantly this is customer exploitation and greed, plain and simple. It is also discriminative towards female drinkers who drink half measures on a regular basis, or even drivers trying to stay in the limit yet wanting to spend money and have a drink within limitations.

On questioning this pricing policy my dad was asked to leave, even though the matter could have been resolved easily, after all my dad had contributed to the pub, after all the good things he'd said and done, his friendship and patronage were so readily dismissed! This demonstrates management arrogance and poor management, isn't the idea to get people to spend money? But it's the manner it was dealt with that is important, the manager could have said 'you know the pricing policy but I'll let it go this once' with a cheeky defusing grin. There's a hundred different ways the manager could have resolved it using interpersonal skills but evidently high on recent success's he perhaps didn't feel he needed to, after all his place is established and his surety should never have been questioned.

So basically for 15 English pence, a customer and a friend was lost, surely a bad management decision in anyone's book as Newark is a small town and it really isn't taking long for the Castles management to alienate themselves to the local populace. And why does the pub next door to the Castle, the Mayze implement the same pricing policy as the Castle on half measures? I would say it is very much down to the individual managers discretion, another reason why it could have, and should have been diffused in a tactful more professional manner.

I could tell other factual stories, mention discontentment aplenty, describe other incidents of rudeness but I don't really think I need to, because the castle pub's management are beginning to reap what they sow, beginning to let their masks drop a little as they reveal demeanours that are not winning hearts and minds.

I did ask the managers wife in another pub if my dad was barred, this was after I had been told by bar staff that they'd been told not to serve him. I was told by the manager wife that my dad had to go in and talk to the manager, basically to be scalded like a naughty boy regarding his behaviour on questioning their absurd policy in the first place. Any good manager would say it had been a pointless clash, both sides to blame a little, as sometimes we all know the male ego can get ahead of itself.

In closing, I must stress, no names have been used in this blog, no personal remarks have been made, apart from the obvious arrogance of the manager involved, arrogance being a personality trait and not meant as an insult.

I can only urge friends, drinkers of Newark and anyone with common sense not to drink in the Castle pub, because it is overpriced and ran by an ego centred manager that hasn't so much built the pub up by himself but by the people that drink in there, people he is now, in my view exploiting by a discriminative drinks policy (exploited on a financial and not personal scale for any would be legal eagles out there). We spend the money in these pubs, we can make discerning choices and we certainly don't have to drink in a pub and listen to a jaded manager on jam sessions play the four same Neil Young songs every week whilst he grins sardonically as the till draw rattles with undeserved profit.

*** Amendment ***

Ex staff and other people involved with the pub and YardGlass pub group have informed me that the head office is in charge of pricing policy across the group. That said, my comments still stand, the pricing policy is absurd, I feel it is exploitation and though a friend with business acumen pointing out to me the logistics and costs in serving half measures I am still 110% committed to raising awarness about said pub and its handling of people. I'm sure there'll be more amendments and updates in the coming days! And sincere thanks to people that have come forward with information, advice and support.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Charlie Chuck and Gary Delany Part Deux

I went to the Lincoln comedy festival this Saturday just gone (3rd) to see one of my comedy icons Charlie Chuck and had a fantastic day. Myself, my friends Ryan and Gary (who is over visiting from Hong Kong) caught the train into Lincoln at lunch time not really sure if we'd get tickets but thankfully it wasn't a problem. The venue was Lincoln Uni, in what is known as the 'engine shed' and what a good venue it is too, cheap bar, good seating in the auditorium and a nice modern feel to it.

So, tickets bought we grabbed some beers and settled to watch Charlie Chuck at 2pm. Charlie pretty much has the same tried and trusted act but that's never a problem for me as I find him hysterical every time I see him. The hour Charlie was on quickly passed, though nearing the end Charlie was content to chat with the audience and tell anecdotes of past experience in the business etc. For me, it was money well spent, Charlie, ever the surrealist is very visual as well as vocal, and why deviate from that when you have a cracking act? After the show I managed to snatch a quick joke with the legend himself and get my photo taken with him, plus he signed a poster for me, cheers Charlie!

Next up was Gary Delany, ironically I saw him support Charlie back in February at Just the Tonic in Nottingham. I enjoyed Gary back then and was looking forward to seeing him again. Gary is obviously working towards a tried and trusted comedy routine with jokes written by himself, though I'm sure odd elements are borrowed now and again. In a frank and open performance he told the audience just what was going to happen and used a few props such as a kitchen timer, cue cards and a horn. As the jokes flowed it became apparent Gary is trying to perfect his act (for the next Edinburgh festival and more mainstream perhaps?) so the audience were very much guinea pigs in what was largely a laughs experiment. I like Gary, his delivery is excellent but then many of his jokes are one liners, so he doesn't have to be too articulate. His jokes range from the noir to the absurd, he's comfortable bantering with the audience without taking the piss every time and all in all his 'there will be jokes' routine worked very well. I suspect as I saw him arrive late he didn't have too much time to prep or get settled, his routine lasted just over 50 minutes, it did seem a little rushed and uncoordinated in places but in fairness he did say it was experimental at the beginning. There's something I can't put my finger on about Gary, there were new jokes and some material from when I saw him last time but I'm left wondering is he going to do the comedy circuit forever or make a bid for tv or radio success?



Charlie, Me, Ryan !

Monday, September 21, 2009

Nell V.2

So as I have mentioned, Nell V.2 my new computer has been built. My friend Drew who is technically minded was the main architect behind it all, I did have a say in the spec and build of the machine but I consulted with him on many of the parts and eventually a compromise was reached. So what are the specs?

The processor is an Intel Core 2 Quad Q6700 2.66GHz Socket 775 1066MHz 8MB, which is mounted on a ASUS P5QL PRO iP43 Socket 775 8 channel audio ATX Motherboard.

The memory is Kingston 4GB (2x2GB) DDR2 1066MHz/PC2-8500 HyperX T1 Memory.

The hard drive I am using for the system is Western Digital WD5001AALS 500GB Hard Drive SATAII 7200rpm 32MB Cache - OEM Caviar Black.

And for storage I am using Western Digital WD1001FALS 1TB Hard Drive SATAII 7200rpm 32MB Cache - OEM Caviar Black, plus I have a Lacie external 500gb HD, so total space is 2gb though I am planning on getting a new external 1TB HD and retiring the Lacie as a back up drive for important files in case my system ever dies suddenly!

For graphics I am using a Inno3D 9800GT Esave Edition 1GB GDDR3 DVI VGA HDMI Out PCI-E Graphics Card.

Extras, well I have a Arctic Cooling AC-FRZ-7P Freezer 7 Pro Socket 775 Processor Cooler mounted over the processor. In one of the front bay 5.25" bay I have a Hiyatek Black Flip LCD Screen 52-in-1 Card Reader with extra e-sata and usb ports. The screen on the card reader flips out and gives internal temperature readings from 3 heat sensors and you can also control fan speed. at the front of the case is an Antec Tricool 120mm Blue LED Fan, for extra air intake, and as the case is all black with 2 air intake ports it adds an extra cool cylonesque glow when the lights are out, but with the fancy card reader thats the only pimping I've done.

And it's all house in a very sleek but practical Antec Sonata III piano black quiet mid tower case - With 500W EarthWatts PSU.

The monitor is an Acer 22" X223w. (widescreen).

The operating system is Windows 7 which is really growing on me.

The total cost, with sundry items such as a new keyboard and wireless interent adapter/dongle was about (give or take a pound) £760. Which is a bit more than I budgeted for but once I got into the project I wanted the best bits of kit really, within my budget of course! I think the original budget was a £100 cheaper but no matter, most projects go over budget anyway.

So all in all I am happy with the finished result. Most of the kit was bought off ebuyer.com who were very prompt with delivery and the parts were packaged nice and protectively, I'd recommend them to anyone, especially as they are damn cheap. There were a few teething problems at first but gradually these were ironed out and Nell seems to be working fine, I didn't realise how much I missed my desktop/tower case until I was without one. My laptop the Acer Aspire one was ok for surfing and odd chatting but for multi-tasking, well they just aren't built or designed for that kind of use.

Why did I decide to have one built instead of buy one from somewhere like PC World? The answer is simple, a machine comparitive to mine would have probably cost me £1200+.

And on a last happy 'green' note, Nell 1 lives on in some respects as some of her, including the case, graphics card and other items went into building my dad a new dual core machine.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

It's been a while ...

Yep. the old blog has been neglected of late, the main reason being I have been on the laptop of late as my old tower pc died on me after a good few years service. The laptop is ideally for spur of the moment typing but not so good for blogging as you find yourself being hunched up over it resulting in eye strain and a bad back.

So anyway, 'Nell V.2' (my new pc) has been built and she really rocks, I'm very happy with her, there's been some teething problems but generally it's all been good.

I do miss blogging, I feel I have lots to say on a myriad of different things but recent bouts of ill health have really brought me down of late, a kind of deflated feeling really, so I've not really been the happy go lucky person I usually am. Good things are on the horizon however, Mr Sunshine (Gary) is coming back and that always means fun, though exhausting fun as he generally makes the most of his time when he comes over from Hong Kong.

People close to me still continue to amaze me with their zest for life, character and goodwill.

I've really settled into my new place, the neighbours seem nice, and I feel settled at last. The new flat has more space, and a more lighter airey feel to it. So generally, despite my dour and taciturn nature of late, things perhaps aren't really too bad.

So now the new pc is built I can hopefully get bag to blogging, and for those of you that still read my waffling, thanks !

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

That difficult day.

And so it comes around again, four years since my mum died. I woke feeling like I'd not slept well but resolute; I needed to put things behind me in some respects, ever the pragmatist. Part of me wanted to not mention anything but I felt I ought to have some reference to the day, even on my Facebook status. So I typed away and from nowhere the tears fell suddenly, not a deluge, just a few.

The rest of the day was positive, I walked past the church and felt like going inside, just for the peace and quiet to collect my thoughts but I can't be hypocritical as I loathe mainstream religion, especially in a pushy dictatorial sense.

Then later in the day, things took an ironic turn, whilst watering my dad's plants (he's on holiday) I was happy, seeking solace in the colours and fauna, I collected my thoughts, felt content with how positive the day had gone, then who should appear but two Jehovah's witnesses. Bad timing.

Hobbit's like me are quite capable of mixing fire and brimstone with sardonic wit and dynamic rationality on occasions and those boys stepped into a world of wake up call.

I digress, I will blog about that some other time. Needless to say I feel I have moved on from mourning, time is indeed a great healer, memorie remain but not so raw. I resolved today to look back and remember the good times, and in future that will be prevalent. Usually on mum's birthday or the day she died I scan an old photo and do something melancholy, but not anymore, besides I've not even rigged my new pc up to the printer as yet, but perahaps on her birthday in December I can do something more fitting.

Sorry if this blog seems pragmatic, devoid of emotion or lacking somewhat, it's just how I feel.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Newstead Abbey

Some photos of a trip to Newstead Abbey last week. Famed for being the ancestral home of the poet Lord Byron. Byron lived there from the 1808 till 1814. You can see his private apartments, letters he wrote, poems, drawings and even the clothes he wore throughout the house. The abbey is set in around 300 acres of land that features lakes, mini castles and oriental gardens. It's a lovely house rich in history and it's even rumoured to be haunted!














Yup, Byron's bed !