Today I went to see Gran in the chapel of rest in the town where I grew up. Initially I had decided I wanted to remember her as she was but then I thought to myself if she could ever come back and chastise us then she'd almost certainly have something to say about nobody turning up to see her. I'm not superstitious by any means but I just imagined in my head what she'd say so I decided I owed it to her to go along and say my own personal goodbye and more importantly I felt passionate about doing it.
Dad took me over in his car and parked outside as I went into the chapel. I waited briefly in a comfortable reception area before being shown into a small room that was lit with soft deep rose coloured lights and there she lay. The man asked if I wanted to be left alone and I nodded, the door shut behind me.
I looked down at gran, she looked peaceful, her face was smooth and bereft of wrinkles, her delicate hands lay over each other across her stomach, her hair looked lovely. I didn't feel uneasy seeing her lay there dead, I've seen dead people before in the past. Feeling lost for words I muttered a few things, I greeted her the way she used to affectionately greet me which was 'Hey up Bod' (local slang/dialect).
My voice began to falter and my throat felt raw, what I said next was a few disjointed sentences that I shall omit from my blog, as you'll understand, they were personal but I will share that I thanked her for all she had done for me over the years and that of course that I loved her.
Gingerly I stroked her hair and said my final farewell and left. I thanked the staff and stepped outside blinking into the sun light and I don't mind confessing for a few moments tears coursed down my cheeks and sobs welled up within. Quickly gaining control I headed to dad around the corner and he drove me home. It was some time before we spoke, he gave me a little space and reflection time and I felt warm within knowing I had said what I needed to say to a lovely dear woman, my beautiful grandmother 'Doris'.
Dad took me over in his car and parked outside as I went into the chapel. I waited briefly in a comfortable reception area before being shown into a small room that was lit with soft deep rose coloured lights and there she lay. The man asked if I wanted to be left alone and I nodded, the door shut behind me.
I looked down at gran, she looked peaceful, her face was smooth and bereft of wrinkles, her delicate hands lay over each other across her stomach, her hair looked lovely. I didn't feel uneasy seeing her lay there dead, I've seen dead people before in the past. Feeling lost for words I muttered a few things, I greeted her the way she used to affectionately greet me which was 'Hey up Bod' (local slang/dialect).
My voice began to falter and my throat felt raw, what I said next was a few disjointed sentences that I shall omit from my blog, as you'll understand, they were personal but I will share that I thanked her for all she had done for me over the years and that of course that I loved her.
Gingerly I stroked her hair and said my final farewell and left. I thanked the staff and stepped outside blinking into the sun light and I don't mind confessing for a few moments tears coursed down my cheeks and sobs welled up within. Quickly gaining control I headed to dad around the corner and he drove me home. It was some time before we spoke, he gave me a little space and reflection time and I felt warm within knowing I had said what I needed to say to a lovely dear woman, my beautiful grandmother 'Doris'.
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