My New Love

Today I got my car, yep, my first car and I can't stop going outside and fawning over her.

I got her from a local farmer/car dealer for a really good price. I knew when I saw her online that it was the one for me. It's nothing special, just a Vauxhall Astra variant but I guess its the fact its my first car that I'm just excited, and for a cheap car its certainly packing extras.

Still a couple of things to sort before she's on the road proper but it won't be long.

Di

I'm not a royalist, never have been but there was no avoiding the news today about the anniversary of princess Diana. I guess her life was brief but in some respects she lived a life that some only dream about.

My thoughts were with the Princes though, on a base level of actually losing your mum, I know how that feels, and my thoughts are with them in that respect.

85th

It was my grans 85th Birthday today, a remarkable lady that's seen a lot of life ups and downs, I love her dearly.

I took some flowers and a card over and we had a good old chinwag and cup of tea. She's not as strong as she once was but she's as bright as a button.

Here's to another good few years for her!

Used Emotions

The friend

'This is your life, Right here, Right now. This is real time... not rewind. Do you understand what I'm saying... she doesn't love you. Maybe she did once, I don't know, but she doesn't now. These are used emotions. It's time to trade them in.'

My friends tone becomes more gentle.

'Memories were meant to fade. They're designed that way for a reason.'

I crumple a bit, I know I have to let go but it's so painful

Me

'Have you ever been in love with somebody who didn't return that love?'

The friend sighs and says in a low voice and says

'Yeah I have'

Me

'It didn't stop you from loving them Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them...?'

The friend

'I guess'

Me

'And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect and care about them did it?'

The friend

'No it didn't'

Eyes brim with tears but nobody wants to wipe them away...

Once more unto....

I saw my consultant last Friday regarding the progress of my hip replacement.

Well to be succinct there's good news and sort of bad news. The good news is that the previous op has almost healed fully and to their mild surprise bone has actually grown around some of the metal fittings and kind of encased them. Why couldn't my bones have grown a bit more when I was bloody younger! So, anyway all is good with the new hip and it feels good too.

My right hip joint though has been causing me severe grief over the last three weeks, I use my right side for driving too and when I was last driving I really felt quite sore. On Friday they did more x-rays (that's how we knew the bone had grown over the fittings) and they showed my right him was fast deteriorating. So after a chat with my consultant it seems they want to operate within the next 18 weeks.

Deep down I'm happy about this, I want to be rid of the pain once and for all and get on with my life which is really coming together right now. The thing that makes me feel down is the fact I have to go through the ordeal all over again! Yes, I know its for the best and in a scant few weeks I'll be feeling really good, it's just it isn't a pleasant process and right now I really want to be getting on with things.

Common sense prevails though, it needs to be done, then both hips should be ok till I'm retired.

The pain I'm in now isn't nice, I don't like taking painkillers either, so I guess it's time to brace myself once more and ready myself for the letter with the operation date.

Blues Man

A few weeks back a band pulled out of a gig at my local, so instead of having no music at all some of the regulars rallied together to perform themselves, a sort of open night for anyone who wanted to sing and play.

My dad got up and sang three songs and went down a storm in what was his first real gig of sorts. He sang some Dylan and a song of his own and I'm sure we'll see him up there again in the near future strumming his guitar.

Drive

At around 10.55am this morning I heard those sweet words 'I'm pleased to inform you that you have successfully passed your driving test'.

I trembled, my heart raced and the adrenaline hit me, its taken me 4 attempts to pass.

It was a lovely day out, not a cloud in the sky and the light breeze on my face felt good.

It's been a long hard road though, I'd taken 2 hasty tests before my operation in March earlier this year, I really wasn't ready but I thought I'd chance it anyway, then of course there was the pain I was in before my operation, sitting still for so long whilst driving wasn't easy. I took my 3rd test about 6 weeks ago and nerves got the better of me, and like an idiot I got into a distracting chat with the examiner which didn't do my concentration any favours.

This morning though there seemed to be a change in the air, I really felt focused and ready, yesterdays lesson nerves had seemingly receded, usually I really screw up on lessons just before the test.

So, after a quick hours drive this morning before the test I felt eager, hungry to get on with it. I kept repeating the mantra 'keep calm, listen to the examiner and read the road ahead'.

I kept the chit chat to traffic lights, I concentrated, I repeated the mantra.

I passed. I hugged my instructor when I got out of the car, I shook the examiners hand vigorously.

Summer never felt so good.