As people we are all individual, I guess our individuality when you think about it has to be marvelled at. Personally I respect people that do their own thing, that are different from the crowd. Individuality combined with personality truly projects the people we are. As people we mostly change and adapt our individuality over our lifetime in the way we dress or the traits we pick up or indeed or choose to lose. Life events also affect and shape us. Underneath being individual we are all people and all the same albeit in different shape, sizes and colours.
This brings me to something I wasn’t going to blog about, partly because I was unsure of how I was going to word it or if it would make me sound bitter.
For a good while now I’ve been happily single and having the odd date when it suited, dates have arisen from friends, work or the internet. Dating is as we all know a process of determining if you like someone, either you click straight away, you both decide their may be something there and meet again or the other person is just not for you. Sometimes if you are both not suited you either become friends or level with each other and say ‘sorry but you’re nice but not for me’. Nobody likes rejection especially if they are keen on the other person but the more rational of us generally accept it and move on.
Recently I had a date with a person that is heavily into the Goth scene, a scene I am interested in but as I like being an individual I’d never label myself as a Goth. As a teenager I labelled myself many things, I liked bands like Madness at the age of 13, soon after I was listening to heavy rock, next I was into bands like Visage and the new romantic scene and so the circle turned, every year or so I changed into something new as influences came along. I was young and impressionable. It was those ‘wonder’ years into all different kinds of music that made me the individual I am today, I can reflect back and smile at all my different phases and liked all of them to some degree, even if I do cringe on how I looked back then. These days I’m not against identities and labels, its great to still see the odd punk rocker stomping down the high street. It’s good to see imagery and fashion, identity and individuality and respect peoples diversity but more importantly underneath that - respect them as people.
So, getting back to my main thread, when I meet people I try and look at them as people rather than a label, though their fashion may give me a some idea of what music they may like I guess I still could be wrong, because I have to talk to the person and not the label to find out.
I knew my date was into the Goth scene way before the date but after the date I knew it purely because she told me many times how different she was and how she felt she was the ‘the only Goth in the village’. Being into the Goth scene and music a bit myself I thought her individuality was evident and found it quite tiresome when she kept remarking on how different she considered herself to be. Apart from that the date went fine, I knew there was no immediate spark there but then I considered the fact I’d had relationships with people in the past that had grew into something without an initial spark being there, so was happy to go with the flow and give things the benefit of the doubt.
What really made me giggle though as I relaxed and decided to enjoy the day come what may was the when I announced I liked some lounge type music, this met with an expression of disdain and then later when I bought a book about John Lennon I got a large frown. Whilst in the cd shop she kept to buying things from her scene and I bought cd’s ranging from Sparks, Apocolypica, Joe Satriani, Japan and Marylin Manson. I commented on several Goth type bands and got a vexed expression of uncertainty from her – surely a Goth as dedicated as her would have heard of them? Later when she mentioned the fact she was pagan and bits about it she didn’t really tell me anything about it I didn’t already know, I’m not pagan but I like to read up on stuff like that because it interests me. So, the date revolved around her self imagery or statements of ‘do you think I’m different or mad?’.
On catching up with her on Monday via email she said that I wasn’t really her cup of tea, I wasn’t into the pagan or Goth scene as much as her and there was no spark, well fair comment I guess but what really pissed me about it (and I could do a whole other blog on honesty) was during the date she invited me to her city and to an alternative club with her. If I wasn’t Goth enough then why ask me! The fact is, I probably would have gone, firstly to give her the benefit of the doubt, try and find more about her as a person and secondly for a night out somewhere different. I guess I would have respected her more if she’d have levelled with me more. She could have said ‘Jay, Hobbit’s aren’t really my thing, I’m more into Gothic Orcs’, then that would have been fine. I did stress to her I was a Hobbit before the date, I didn’t go stating I am some 6ft tall Gothic prince, as with the beginning of this blog I stated I was an individual and I guess stressing you aren’t that tall does make me individual.
I’m sure she’ll go back to being single in her Gothic club and telling everyone how utterly different she is, I’ll go back to wanting to meet people that are individual and not too foolish enough to box themselves into being a one dimensional label, too scared to confessing to liking other things because it just wouldn’t be cool for the image. Rant over.
This brings me to something I wasn’t going to blog about, partly because I was unsure of how I was going to word it or if it would make me sound bitter.
For a good while now I’ve been happily single and having the odd date when it suited, dates have arisen from friends, work or the internet. Dating is as we all know a process of determining if you like someone, either you click straight away, you both decide their may be something there and meet again or the other person is just not for you. Sometimes if you are both not suited you either become friends or level with each other and say ‘sorry but you’re nice but not for me’. Nobody likes rejection especially if they are keen on the other person but the more rational of us generally accept it and move on.
Recently I had a date with a person that is heavily into the Goth scene, a scene I am interested in but as I like being an individual I’d never label myself as a Goth. As a teenager I labelled myself many things, I liked bands like Madness at the age of 13, soon after I was listening to heavy rock, next I was into bands like Visage and the new romantic scene and so the circle turned, every year or so I changed into something new as influences came along. I was young and impressionable. It was those ‘wonder’ years into all different kinds of music that made me the individual I am today, I can reflect back and smile at all my different phases and liked all of them to some degree, even if I do cringe on how I looked back then. These days I’m not against identities and labels, its great to still see the odd punk rocker stomping down the high street. It’s good to see imagery and fashion, identity and individuality and respect peoples diversity but more importantly underneath that - respect them as people.
So, getting back to my main thread, when I meet people I try and look at them as people rather than a label, though their fashion may give me a some idea of what music they may like I guess I still could be wrong, because I have to talk to the person and not the label to find out.
I knew my date was into the Goth scene way before the date but after the date I knew it purely because she told me many times how different she was and how she felt she was the ‘the only Goth in the village’. Being into the Goth scene and music a bit myself I thought her individuality was evident and found it quite tiresome when she kept remarking on how different she considered herself to be. Apart from that the date went fine, I knew there was no immediate spark there but then I considered the fact I’d had relationships with people in the past that had grew into something without an initial spark being there, so was happy to go with the flow and give things the benefit of the doubt.
What really made me giggle though as I relaxed and decided to enjoy the day come what may was the when I announced I liked some lounge type music, this met with an expression of disdain and then later when I bought a book about John Lennon I got a large frown. Whilst in the cd shop she kept to buying things from her scene and I bought cd’s ranging from Sparks, Apocolypica, Joe Satriani, Japan and Marylin Manson. I commented on several Goth type bands and got a vexed expression of uncertainty from her – surely a Goth as dedicated as her would have heard of them? Later when she mentioned the fact she was pagan and bits about it she didn’t really tell me anything about it I didn’t already know, I’m not pagan but I like to read up on stuff like that because it interests me. So, the date revolved around her self imagery or statements of ‘do you think I’m different or mad?’.
On catching up with her on Monday via email she said that I wasn’t really her cup of tea, I wasn’t into the pagan or Goth scene as much as her and there was no spark, well fair comment I guess but what really pissed me about it (and I could do a whole other blog on honesty) was during the date she invited me to her city and to an alternative club with her. If I wasn’t Goth enough then why ask me! The fact is, I probably would have gone, firstly to give her the benefit of the doubt, try and find more about her as a person and secondly for a night out somewhere different. I guess I would have respected her more if she’d have levelled with me more. She could have said ‘Jay, Hobbit’s aren’t really my thing, I’m more into Gothic Orcs’, then that would have been fine. I did stress to her I was a Hobbit before the date, I didn’t go stating I am some 6ft tall Gothic prince, as with the beginning of this blog I stated I was an individual and I guess stressing you aren’t that tall does make me individual.
I’m sure she’ll go back to being single in her Gothic club and telling everyone how utterly different she is, I’ll go back to wanting to meet people that are individual and not too foolish enough to box themselves into being a one dimensional label, too scared to confessing to liking other things because it just wouldn’t be cool for the image. Rant over.
3 comments:
one of those (made up) rules of life that your wise mentor (whoever that is) should impart is: the moment someone has to tell you they are something or another it is a pretty good bet that they are not.
this rule is generally at it's strongest when it casts the person in a good light.
the moment someone tells me that they are funny, mad, wacky, interesting, out there, yadda yadda is the moment i know that they are probably tossers who are going to irritate me.
oddly there was a tattoo convention down my way a few months back. i didn't go, was broke at the time and it seemed a lot of money to spend just to watch someone tattoo someone else.
anyway the streets of brick lane were awash with guys and gals in black combats and black t-shirts, with piercings all over the place, with big arsed tats on themselves, all in their big boots. \
they saw themselves as being individuals and me as the man drone, if only they could see how they looked,,,,,
I went out with a goth girl at school and suffered the lot - Sisters Of Mercy, The Cure, Souxie (or however it's spelt). She was cute though, and didn't place that much emphasis on it other than she looked good in black.
And then there's our very own Ben Pickle, ex of Comic Showcase. Slime Night, a love of Marilyn Manson...I could go on. It all made sense when we found out his dad was a policeman.
When you get to a certain age, and I think it also happens when you've been parenting a while, these fads of 'individuality' look more and more ridiculous. Pat is absolutely spot on though: when someone tells you they're wacky/mad it's a sign to run in the other direction.
Real people don't need to make statements and grand wardrobe changes to be seen as individuals.
Bloody goths...
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