So there I sat on the balcony of my hotel room in Malta, almost Christmas 2010. Sipping a bottle of cold water and peering down into the street below. The bars had mostly all shut and odd souls of the night were sauntering around or heading back to their hotels or homes. If I looked to my left in the day time the sea was visible, below me was an Irish themed bar and an Elvis tribute bar, tacky indeed! The Irish bar was ok, I'd been in a few times, though I'd given the Elvis one a very wide berth. Nestled between them was a hairdressers who was opened about 9am in the daytime by a very foxy Maltese lady.
Now though it was dark, probably actually about 2am in the morning as I sat there thinking I was going to lose my sight, and pondering the grim realities of it.
A couple of weeks earlier I'd been to eye casualty at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham and had been diagnosed with an eye pressure of 30, which is unusually high as I was told normal eye pressure is usually 21. They seemed concerned and I was given eye drops to lower the pressure which I had to take at night before I slept. To be honest I'd been in a fair degree of pain with it, and having a history of eye problems I was expecting glaucoma to manifest itself in my right eye, and I really didn't want that agony after once having it in my left eye years back.
The only thing I could really do was carry on, take the drops, pop painkillers or sleep when the pain was too much to bear. The downside was my eyes were tiring quickly on holiday and the pain was a constant throb. Pain killers and alcohol were a temporary relief but probably not helping either as they'd raise the general blood pressure for sure within me.
Sitting there I mused quite matter of factly what it would be like to lose my sight, I'd resigned myself to the reality of something bad happening so it seemed apt to face things head on. I came to the conclusion I wouldn't really handle it well at all, after all you use your eyes for so much, they are so vital you never really realise the impact of blindness till it's squaring up to you and threatening to throw its dark impenetrable veil over you. I thought about the silly to the serious things I'd miss about 'seeing'. It's moments like this when you realise it is often the simple things you see that keep you ticking over in life, seeing a friends smile or seeing my grans face light up when I take her chocolates over - the stuff that gives you an inner glow and being robbed of that would make me wither and die inside.
As I don't believe in gods there was nobody really to turn to that night, I felt empty and quite alone, and very helpless with it all.
Time passed and the pressure over the next few weeks did drop in my eye, and the pain subsided. I go to the hospital this week for a check up that I really should have had weeks ago but organisation in hospitals these days seems lacking (I blame the Tories!).
So I guess I was given a fortunate break, it was caught in time before it became harmful but I'll never forget that night, alone with my thoughts on the balcony overlooking the worlds end. How lucky we are sometimes.
Now though it was dark, probably actually about 2am in the morning as I sat there thinking I was going to lose my sight, and pondering the grim realities of it.
A couple of weeks earlier I'd been to eye casualty at Queens Medical Centre in Nottingham and had been diagnosed with an eye pressure of 30, which is unusually high as I was told normal eye pressure is usually 21. They seemed concerned and I was given eye drops to lower the pressure which I had to take at night before I slept. To be honest I'd been in a fair degree of pain with it, and having a history of eye problems I was expecting glaucoma to manifest itself in my right eye, and I really didn't want that agony after once having it in my left eye years back.
The only thing I could really do was carry on, take the drops, pop painkillers or sleep when the pain was too much to bear. The downside was my eyes were tiring quickly on holiday and the pain was a constant throb. Pain killers and alcohol were a temporary relief but probably not helping either as they'd raise the general blood pressure for sure within me.
Sitting there I mused quite matter of factly what it would be like to lose my sight, I'd resigned myself to the reality of something bad happening so it seemed apt to face things head on. I came to the conclusion I wouldn't really handle it well at all, after all you use your eyes for so much, they are so vital you never really realise the impact of blindness till it's squaring up to you and threatening to throw its dark impenetrable veil over you. I thought about the silly to the serious things I'd miss about 'seeing'. It's moments like this when you realise it is often the simple things you see that keep you ticking over in life, seeing a friends smile or seeing my grans face light up when I take her chocolates over - the stuff that gives you an inner glow and being robbed of that would make me wither and die inside.
As I don't believe in gods there was nobody really to turn to that night, I felt empty and quite alone, and very helpless with it all.
Time passed and the pressure over the next few weeks did drop in my eye, and the pain subsided. I go to the hospital this week for a check up that I really should have had weeks ago but organisation in hospitals these days seems lacking (I blame the Tories!).
So I guess I was given a fortunate break, it was caught in time before it became harmful but I'll never forget that night, alone with my thoughts on the balcony overlooking the worlds end. How lucky we are sometimes.
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