Relationships

I've had my fair share I guess and in general most of my memories of them, on reflection are positive. For over a year now I've been single after a relationship that turned very intense and very sour, very quickly. Sadly these days I am very impassive when it comes to romance and love, it's almost like each relationship numbs you a little more, blockades the path to your heart more - in my case I am suspecting the blockade is almost complete.

It's not that I have lost the capacity to yearn and lust, or to even believe in true love, it's just it seems almost impossible to conceive at times. I've never professed to be a wizard when it comes to relationships, like anyone I have foibles, I make mistakes but when I have loved in the past it's been unreservedly. I could say I've done well as regards the ladies, even though I'm not the tallest most handsome chip off the block. The strategy I've employed has always been one of you have to be in it to win it, to cast physical doubts aside and just project forward who I really am, and be happy about it, I can't be a wall flower - I fought the wall flower battle long ago.

So, over the years relationships, dalliances and casual acquaintances have come and gone, in an odd subconscious way I oddly feel they've all given me something, yet stripped something away too, it's a hard feeling to communicate or quantify easily. In a confessional I can only say acceptance is a big issue with me, yet on rare occasions when I do find it - then I lean towards disbelief, though that's not the case with the last relationship, I felt I had acceptance then, without a doubt but the bottom line was in my heart I knew she wasn't for me at all. This was partly for her actions and in the long run a fear that she would drag me down a path in life I didn't really want to go, especially as some of my sensibilities were very different to hers.

Before the last relationship I was involved in a complex polyamory one for a few months, though I found it rewarding I felt towards the end I was getting too dragged in and ultimately it would lead to nothing, apart from probable heartbreak. I detached myself from it and in doing so remained firm friends with the person involved. In that poly set up I knew I was perhaps, because of a few factors the least important cog in the mechanism (and I don't say that in a bitter way either.)

Prior to the above and very much behind me now was a long standing love that literally broke me in two, and for a long while I might add but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger as they say. Interspersed in all of this say three year period were brief assignations, most of them sensationalism or ego based for both parties to be fair.

So where am I going with all this? I'm not sure I even know, I need the therapy of disclosure I guess, or I wouldn't be sat here typing this whilst my stomach is telling me I need food! The bottom line is that I still believe in love, I want to live the dream and accomplish the realisation of it, dispel my doubts and conquer my fears. I just find it so ironic that after my past (a decadent one at that!) I'm still single. I could be fatalistic about it all but the pessimist in me is starting to convince me I will be single forever! The thing is, I don't mind being single, it's a life less complicated but there's this gnawing feeling at me of late that I actually do want to find 'Mrs Right' and make a concerted effort with it all, to reap its rewards and find happiness - after all isn't that what we are genetically programmed to do?

Winter in Sherwood

Well it would seem winter is well and truly here, I took these photos in Sherwood forest the other day, I had to smile to myself as I saw the great old Major Oak, kept upright on supports yet still adorned with a good amount of greenery. I love Sherwood when it's quiet yet I'm still surprised how many visit the forest in winter time. The visitors centre does a cracking breakfast too. The Major Oak amazed me as a boy - and it still amazes me now.

Birches aside the pathway

I'm sure this tree has a screaming face near the top, can you see it?

The Major Oak, wearing the onset of winter well.

The Castle Pub, Newark - Epilogue.

So, The Castle pub, what happened next? Well the manager apologised to my old man and vice verse, fair play to the manager on that score. I believe my old man does plan to go back in to see a friend play there in the near future. As for me, I'm pretty sure I won't be welcome but it's not the end of the world, there's other places to frequent, cheaper ones at that.

The purpose of this blog is to clear up a few loose ends and respond to a couple of exaggerations.

Firstly I have to point out I was on good terms with the management of the Castle before the previous blog/incident. The fact that I decided to blog about events wasn't the result of some long standing feud or disagreement, I wanted to make what I felt were valid points. Which as a consumer I'm allowed to do, there may have been a little fire and brimstone in what I said but it wasn't a personal attack on either of them, when I feel strongly about something, I act on it, especially when it regards someone I care about. I don't bear the management any malice or ever did, this isn't some silly vendetta or feelings of hatred.

I still think the pricing policy is wrong, and I'm not alone in that but I accept that's just the way things work sometimes - however it doesn't make it right does it? Seemingly most people are apathetic these days regarding such things and prefer to pay or sit on the fence. Ok pubs can charge what they want, and drinking out is quite pricey these days but I think people should be at least made aware they are paying more for a half, then they can decide what to do.

As for urging people not to drink in the Castle, I can see how that looks, and for my part I'll retract that, people can make up their own minds, though if asked about my feelings on the pub I will of course say my bit, though I won't be saying 'don't drink there' I'll be saying 'make your own opinions on the place/management'.

I still feel the manager handled the situation wrong but he's apologised so there's no need for me to carp on about that.

Silly rumours. Despite not going in the Castle, word does reach me of events, printed copies of my blog going around, stories of me slamming doors on the managers wife etc. Firstly they can circulate my blog as much as they want, that's the whole point of it, so I ought to thank them really. Secondly, there wasn't any door slamming at all, I held the door open, then when his wife had passed by I looked at a friend, grinned and made out I was going to slam it, so let's separate fact from fiction here, no actual door slamming took place.

On the grounds of my last blog, of course I can see why I'm not popular with the management, it's understandable but for my part now, what's done is done, there's no vitriol or hatred and there hasn't been any confrontations or anyone kicking off, I don't work that way anyway.

So that is it really. I'm never going to shy away from blogging on something I feel strongly about because I've never been a fence sitter, and never will be but as far as I am concerned now the matter is closed.

Wells-Next-The-Sea

Wells-Next-The-Sea is a small slightly inland fishing village on the north Norfolk coast, proabably about an hour and a half from here steady driving. I was at a loose end a few weeks ago and after visiting my old man for a coffee he suggested we take a ride there for something to do, and what a great idea it was as it's a cracking little picturesque place. Here's a few photos of that day.

Le Donk and Scor-Zay Zee signing at Nottingham

I'm a little late with this one, as it happened back on the 26th of October! Ryan, Luke and myself had a day out down Nottingham for the dvd signing of Le Donk and Scor-Zay-Zee. The signing itself was at HMV at 1pm, and thankfully we didn't queue for long before getting our newly purchased copies of the Le Donk dvd signed by Paddy Considine, Shane Meadows and Scor-zay-see himself. I had a little joke with Paddy Considine and then we were off to sample a few beers in the Lace market area before ending up at Hooters for the 'Chicken wing challenge' as it's about £7 for as many chicken wings as you can eat topped with a sauce of your choice. I went for very hot and suffered the next day for it! Anyway, I managed 3o wings, in 3 plates of 10, so not bad going, the record is 70 we were told by the staff. Below are a few photos of that day, mainly of Luke and Ryan holding up daft calendars and a blurred photo of Ryan getting his dvd signed, a good day was had by all!

Ale !

Ryan with a Rick Astley calendar

Luke with a Cliff Richard calendar !

A very blurred Mr Considine and Meadows!

Well.....

It's been a while, there was me saying I was going to blog more and then don't but I have been busy of late. What's been happening? Well ... not that much really. I've had a few problems with my right eye, and have had to visit Queens Medical at Nottingham a few times. Seemingly I do have a problem with vitrious jelly in the eye but there's nothing they can do surgery wise to rectify it, apart from a vitrectomy that carries a big risk of causing blindness - no thanks!

So it's very much a case of learning to deal with the irritation and get on with life, I've never been one to wallow in self pity and besides my eye sight is fine, so why undertake any risks for something I can cope with.

Apart from that life has been good and things have been ticking along nicely. It looks like the car may need some work soon as the cam shaft is making a dodgy noise but she's due for a service and MOT in January, so hopefully it'll hang on till then. I've a few blogs planned, and have been meaning to write for a while, hopefully the next few days should see some new stuff up, and no doubt there'll be the odd controversial one too !