From The Cradle To The Grave

"Life is a dead end street." H.L Mencken, writer and satirist.

"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens!" Woody Allen, comedian.

"As men we are all equal in death." Publilius Syrus, one time Syrian slave of Romans turned writer.

Death is subject we generally like to keep on the periphery of our thoughts because plain and simple it's just easier that way. Although in life there may be times we have brushes with death be it in a car accident or through friends and loved ones suffering we generally like to think 'death' is something far off. Yet from the cradle onwards death is something we draw inexorably closer too, none can escape it and eventually it consumes us all with its unknowing darkness. It encompasses all, in essence we just vanish. As we get older it has more of an ongoing significance to us but the fact is death negates every single aspect of our lives eventually.

I'm not sure if other animals have knowledge of death but trapped animals usually lash out and strive for life or some sit apathetically and wait for it's onset. Humans however do have that ongoing knowledge of death, it's all around us from family to movies, to media.

You might be sat there feeling uncomfortably at reading the grim words above but the single fact we all have in common is that we all die at some point, we just cannot escape it, the book finally closes. When friends or loved ones die we can open their 'life' book and reflect on their life and exploits, we can remember them in our own unique way. When we die we can reflect on nothing, consciousness ends.

Death of course affects us differently. I was talking to a homeless guy today who said he'd had a good early life but since both parents had died he'd gone down hill and into drugs. There was a silence and then he added he may have ended up doing drugs anyway but his parents death had perhaps hastened the process as he'd found it hard to cope. My thoughts on this were that he needed the escapism to avoid dwelling on the reality that was death (amongst other things).

My own personal experiences of death have been consenting to my mothers life support machine being switched off when doctors told me they were unable to save her from brain damage. I sat and watched her die, I literally saw death happen before me. In some ways it gave me a few moments to come to terms with it better, rather than it being sudden and shocking news.

I spoke to my gran the other week who is in her late 80s. I broached the subject of death and she openly said she was ready to die with no fear it as she was tired of life, seemingly its all become an exercise in futility for her as old age slowly robs us of our faculties.

In some instances when we are aware of the onset of death of say a loved one we can take steps to make things easier, we can plan, we can say goodbyes, tell them we loved them or even say things that have remained unsaid for years but needed to be said. The cruel reality is though death robs us of loved ones without remorse. Though in my own opinion it is far better to be prepared for it than it be sudden in some respects. Then of course this brings me to the counter argument of do people on death row welcome the thought of knowing when they are going to die? This brings me to my earlier point of death is something we like to push into the distance because in comparison saying 'I may die in 40 years' against someone on death row saying 'I am going to die in 40 days' is far, far easier to swallow.

We all cope with death differently. Many of course turn to faith and religion. All religions of course handle the subject differently or in different stages. Buddhists believe in reincarnation and that a 'you' survives each death into another temporal life which is judged on your previous life's karma. Christianity, Islam and Judaism state you only have one temporal life and earthly life is a test for the after life. Though I am not religious the buddhist thoughts on life, karma and death fascinate me as you can over several lives refine your karma or not as the case may be. On the plus side you could reach 'nirvana' but is a perfect you the end of things anyway? That you have stepped off what buddhists call the 'wheel of samsara' and have reached a perfect peace? because surely that being the case there is nothing more to reincarnate. That said I'm no expert on that religion, or any other because I prefer not to entwine myself spiritually and believe. I am however always eager to learn history and facts or the lack of them in some cases I say with a sardonic smile.

The philosopher Heidegger stated that firstly death is the end of us and our experience, secondly that death is not an end goal - it is simply stoppage. Thirdly that death is inevitable and uncertain and finally the previous three points make us wonder if there is any meaning to our life.

The Greek philosopher Epicurus once wrote that "Death is nothing to us, for what has been dissolved has no sense and experience - and what has no sense and experience is nothing to us."

These days the term 'Epicurean' is all about seeking pleasure, the reality though is that Epicurus said that people should actually try and avoid pain, he wasn't some 24/7 party person! Epicurus basically said instead of desire people should seek friends, warmth and food. When we have this then we become at peace for these are the things of a good life and to be honest he has a good point, except we know there is more to life than the above. Another good point Epicurus touches on about death though is that to be without experience (see above quote) is to be without suffering.

A fruit will ripen and produce seed and then die, humans and animals are the same. We mature, we mate and try to ensure we prevail - it's the passage of nature. When a person dies we carry fragments of their lives within our own, it makes us glow and feel good when we reflect it again makes us feel intimate with them even though they are not there. Going back to Heidegger a moment, he says that people often live their lives with a certain denial of death. That isn't to say people don't dwell on it but if we do dwell on it then that can be seen as trying to control it. I'm sure people into extreme pursuits such as mountain climbing or deep sea diving, or even astronauts think about death and despite obvious risks they take their thoughts will give them some degree of control over how they feel about it.

Going back to religion though, which is totally man made at least if gives some a comfort blanket surrounding the subject of death and offers the chance of an afterlife. My view on the afterlife is pretty much inspired by some of the great philosophers and contemporaries like Hitchens, Russell and Dawkins et al. As Hitchens states that imagine from the moment you are born till the moment you die you are scrutinized totally by god, then you pass all the tests and go to heaven and are watched all over again - it would be like living in some kind of celestial North Korea. Seriously who would want that? To me it is gross folly and ignorance to let religion govern your life and dictate how it should be lived. To be immortal would more scary than knowing you are going to die. Imaginary celestial cities falling into disrepair as the workers could simply do the job tomorrow or the next day. After we'd met back up with loved ones and family and in some cases realised why we didn't like them in the first place, what then? An eternity of doing not that much and plenty of time to do it in, so things eventually become of little relevance. The philosopher Nietzsche criticises religion on the valid point it attempts to denigrate our real world in favour of a superior fantasy transcendent one. I certainly won't spend my life telling a god that is only a belief how good he actually is just to get a ticket to an afterlife. For me there is something oddly comforting knowing that life actually has to end and this thought gives my life more purpose in the present.

Lets draw on some practical positives about death. The main thing at the end of our days to make us more content is to know that our life has had some significance. To some this is almost definitely having children and watching them grow. To others it may be writing a book, painting or writing songs. As humans we are capable of doing many things that we can pass on into the memories of others, to me that gives meaning to our being. Life is to be embraced whilst we have the chance and before we get too old. We can do many things in our life to benefit others just through being human and exhibiting human compassion.

In closing I relate death to having an anaesthetic at a hospital. You are shrouded in darkness but you are at peace, free from pain and suffering in a serene void. If death is similar then I do not fear death itself, I just hope the dying isn't painful! At the end of the day there's no point fearing death because we can't do anything about it.

The Hobbit Becomes A Model

Back Story: A few weeks ago I called a model agency in London, I'd had their number for some time but it was the news that Peter Jackson was short of extra's for the upcoming Hobbit movie that spurred me on to call them. I did procrastinate for a bit but eventually gave them a call and was pleased with the reception I got. I had to email some photos of myself and they'd get back to me given I was suitable. Three weeks later I got a phone call and was invited down to see them, evidently they were impressed with my photos and wanted to find out more, so after hurriedly booking a train ticket I went down to see them last Friday (15th).

So here's the story.

It was a cloudy grey morning as I departed south on the train, I'd prepared everything the night before so I wasn't hurrying come the morning. I found a seat amongst some sophisto's all name dropping about places to eat or have your hair cut in London whilst periodically tapping on their laptops. I sat back, relaxed and within no time was pulling into Kings Cross station.

I was going to meet my old friend Pat later, he's a Londoner and when we get the chance we meet up for a coffee and a chat but my first port of call was my beloved Camden. I took the short journey on the northern tube line to Camden and ascending the escalator felt invigorated by the draft of cold air coursing downwards. Out into the hustle and bustle of Camden, a myriad of sights and sounds, a panoply of cultures and diversity, it's one of the few places I feel I can be 'me'. My plan is a little retail therapy and then go meet Pat but before I'm lost in the many market stalls and shops my mobile twitches in my pocket and it's shrill noise brings me momentarily back to reality. It's Pat and he wants to meet at the Dominion theatre on Tottenham Court road about 12:45. This gives me little time in Camden as it's already just gone midday. So with purpose I head towards the area where I suspect the things I want will be. I'm lucky, I drop onto the right market stalls and manage to bag some new socks (with compartments for toes!), a new hat which I enthusiastically haggle for and some gloves. I also spy a gift for my friend Danni and grab that too, knowing it's exactly the thing she likes. Then it's back to the tube and off southwards to meet Pat, I turn and look at Camden before I descend and make a silent oath to be back soon.

I arrive to meet Pat a few mins early at the Dominion as the statue of Freddie Mercury looms overhead. He arrives 15 mins late in his own inimitable style but I don't really complain too much as a gorgeous redhead in denim shorts has been parading about and keeping my eyes busy. Then it's off for a chat and a coffee. We put the world to rights and talk, time passes quickly, Pat does most of the talking but I'm more than happy to listen as he's an engaging character.

Then it's off to Edgware Road and the model agency called Ugly/Rage models. Pat accompanies me and I'm glad he does as there's several exit points for the tube at Edgware road and I probably would have taken an age to find the agency, Pat being a native sniffs it out in no time, it seems to be off the main Edgware road itself on a side street. We're a tad early so we walk around the block and it becomes apparent once you're away from main streets London has some lovely little enclaves with pubs, restaurants and shops. I agree with Pat when he says London is lots of little area's and communities that make up the bigger picture. We circle back to the agency and an African guy on the door directs me to the 2nd floor. It's an old jaded building of decadent tiles that feels very 70's, it reminds me of the interior of some buildings in Thailand.

Entering Ugly/Rage I'm greeted warmly and go about filling paper work out before being taken outside for some photos. Pat is waiting outside reading a book and grins sardonically as he sees me nearby. Then it's back inside, sign an 18 month contract and that's basically it. Nothing is really said in great detail. I ask a couple of questions and everything seems straight forward. The agency want £250 upfront to appear in their catalogue, I decide not to pay this and we come to a compromise of they'd take it out of any work I do for them. The fact is they have hundreds of models in their catalogue, so I could pay £250 and nothing may ever happen. I'm sensible when it comes to money and temptations of possible fame and fortune aren't going to get me to pay up front to people I've just met and hardly know. If work comes my way through it they'll easily get their £250 and the 20% cut that they take. I wait for my copy of the contract to be printed off and a very dusky girl, probably of Syrian/Middle east origin comes in to sign too, we chat briefly, she's very stunning indeed, the contract arrives and I'm off outside after shaking hands to seal the deal, all in all it's taken about half an hour and is a very low key affair really.

Pat asks what I want to do next, my original plan would have been to head back to Camden again but I would have succumbed to temptation and spent more money so I go with Pat's excellent suggestion and we head to Tower Hill.

In no time we arrive and on leaving the station are greeted with the sight of the tower of London which I've never seen before, very interesting it looks too. This is Pat's home territory I'm told as we head off to walk along the Thames. Pat's company is infectious, he knows the sights and history and I contentedly soak it all in. We pass HMS Belfast and head towards the Tate Modern. Pat is a member of the Tate modern so we use the members area for a coffee, the balcony there gives a stunning view of St Pauls back over the Thames.

As the evening draws in we head along the Thames towards tower bridge which looks amazing lit up, en route we pass more interesting sights such as a replica of the Golden Hind and lots of little bars and restaurant nestled under bridges etc. We pass city the modern looking city hall, over the bridge and its back to Kings Cross on the tube.

I'm pretty damn hungry at this point and buy some quick fix food whilst waiting for my train, a train I nearly miss as neither of us realise Kings Cross now has a platform zero! Hastily making for it I shake Pats hand and make a dash, just managing to get on the train before it departs. So then it was back to the quiet confines of Newark and a few celebratory beers whilst feeling quite bizarre at being a 'model'.

Sincere thanks go to Pat as I really thought we were going to part ways after our coffee at lunch but he stayed with me and I'm more than grateful he did. He sometimes makes out he's a loner and recluse but he can talk for England but that's no bad thing as everything he has to say is interesting and witty, he's more of a people person than he realises. Had it not been for Pat I may have not found the place in time and wouldn't have done that much after, apart from weave my way back to Camden. Over the years Pat has shown me loads of places in London and I'm ever in his debt for doing so. The line he quipped of 'New York is the city that never sleeps, is it heck, it shuts at midnight like any other city!' will make me smile for a long time to come.

So, what next? Well to be honest I don't know. During the initial phone call I asked if they would have any involvement with the hobbit movie should casting come to England to which they replied they may do, as they'd been involved in the past with such projects as Harry Potter et al. It's going to be a waiting game, I may be signed as a model but as I mentioned earlier they do have hundreds of people on their books. Whilst I hope something will happen I am not banking too much on it, I may be short and ideal for some roles but they have other short people (we hobbit's are more numerous than you think!)

So I'm going to view the whole thing as a great day out with excellent company. Becoming a 'model' is certainly a morale boost even if it does feel a little odd and surreal still.

The truth is I'd love for something to come up, being in the background in a film such as the Hobbit or any film come to that would be amazing, a real dream come true. I guess if anything comes of this I'll be happy though. There's a few photos below but the light wasn't great on the day so I didn't take many.

Tower of London

A lost London Spartan?

St Pauls

HMS Belfast with city hall just to the left of it.

Tower Bridge

Chile Miners Rescue

It's fantastic news that the miners trapped underground in Chile since the 5th of August are now being rescued. As I write this blog half of them are already out to scenes of jubilation, relief and high emotion.

Many are hailing it a miracle and the work of god.

But lets have a reality check here. Would any benevolent god have put them in that position in the first place? If you asked a christian why it happened in the first place they'd probably say it was god's will or some kind of bizarre test of faith.

The real reason the 33 miners are being lifted to safety is man kinds ingenuity, resourcefulness and pragmatism, added to the fact science has played a major role. Whilst the miners thank god for their release they really ought to be thanking their fellow human beings first who have worked tirelessly to make it possible.

You have to imagine if the world was more of a theocracy and less scientific, the miners would have been trapped down there with no hope of rescue, a million and one prayers could not have saved them.

As a humanist I look at my past, look at my health problems. I nearly lost my sight aged 13, later in life I needed hip surgery. Had it not been for the advent of science and man kinds involvement in amazing breakthrough's I would have been a blind cripple. It was man's knowledge and compassion that saved me.

This is where mankind beats any god and is master of his own destiny. What god would wish any hardship on any individual only for man to rectify it? It's clear proof there is no god because such actions would be a totally pointless exercise. In the past human tragedy and disasters were labelled 'gods will' because there was no better way to explain things. Today's heroic rescue and the bravery of those 33 miners is credit to human resources and courage and clear proof we don't need to look to any god to determine our fate.

It's incidents like this that increase my belief in humankind and what we are capable of when we believe in ourselves. And this is why I am a humanist.

Chimps

I had an epiphany on the train this morning, the one that just pops into your head randomly. The thought was this 'we really do come from monkey's, just look what things people are doing on the train!'

The thought hit me as the ticket collector had just issued me my ticket on the train and struggling for free hands and pockets the ticket was instinctively and without thought slipped into my mouth, just like monkey's do on the Tv (not when buying train tickets I might add!). Then when I looked up and around you see people social grooming, women helping to preen male friends or each other, gesticulations, bags marking empty seats of people that want to be alone - it's all there.

Evolution, I just don't don't doubt it for one second.

National Apathy

To be fair I can be a cynical person at times but as the months and years roll of the calendar my cynicism and diminished faith in human beings rapacious behaviour continues to grow.

You'd think in the age of email and computers things would get done easier, sadly it's not the case as the UK seemingly has dropped into a serious case of apathy. Nobody seems interested in getting things done anymore. Take for instance my car insurance, without wanting to spare you the reader all the boring details I've have an issue still not yet sorted dating back to May of this year. This is now impacting on my new car insurance who want to see proof of my no claims bonus and are gearing up to charge me extra money if said proof doesn't appear. The irony is that every time you switch the Tv on the adverts are dominated by car insurance ones. They are so eager to take your money yet so reluctant to do anything once they have it.

It just seems to be everything these days seems to be so long winded, it makes some of the clerical jobs I did back in the 80s and 90s seem super fast. I hate the fact that when you ring somewhere it always seems to be a call centre in some far off land and the language barrier begins almost immediately. No disrespect to these guys (apart from the cold calling ones) as I know they are trying to earn a living. Even closer to home there seems to be a genuine lack of interest or any empathy when you call someone, it's like as a nation we collectively seemed to have thrown the towel in and are all dreaming about what we are going to be doing at the weekend. The truth is there are some good people out there but it appears they are a dwindling sort.

Another thing that annoys me is I rent privately, it's a nice place and I am relatively happy here though I would in truth like somewhere less communal and more private. The problem is that I rent through a letting agent and have to speak to them if I want something done. The letting agents response is to stick their heads in the sand and hope it goes away. Again they are all smiles when taking the rent off me every month.

At first I thought it was just me being 'me' about stuff but problems getting things done these days just seems so prevalent or motivated by money. A friend went to buy a new mobile phone at the weekend and was told he had to buy a new sim card for £10 as part of the deal, even though he didn't need one. It just seems to me a case of the big phone companies bagging an extra £10 simply because they can.

Another recent instance that springs to mind is when I purchased my fridge a few months back. I bought it from Curry's online but first I went into the shop in town. The shop wanted to charge me something like £25 delivery even though there's a regional distribution centre for Curry's a few hundred yards away near the A1 motorway. If I ordered it online it was free delivery and yet would almost definitely come from the same distribution centre locally! Madness indeed. All I wanted to do was pay the cash in the shop, get it delivered, I don't mind ordering online but ideally like to spend money locally when purchasing expensive stuff and have that real person touch instead of the faceless online one.

Anyway, a bit of a moan there about things and ironically when typing the blog I get a phone call about some possible good news!