10%

I’ve just had a lovely few days off, catching up with friends, relaxing, playing on my psp and enjoying the September weather.

All that changed last night when my gran rang me to say they’d rushed my mum into hospital. On arriving at hospital I was ushered into a side room, comfy chairs and flowers, I guess it’s then you know something is wrong. My fears were confirmed when a doctor came in and told me she’d been bleeding internally for along time and they were going to have to admit her into surgery, this was about 8pm last night. At 11pm I finally got to see her, she was on a ventilator, tubes in her mouth and all her face seemed expanded. I told the doctor to give it me straight and his reply was that she has a 10% chance to live.

It’s times like this that mortality hits home, how useless I feel right now. I’m typing this and she’s probably going to fade away and leave me very soon. Before all this I’d got happy blogs that I planned to send, odd how life can suddenly turn around isn’t it?

There wasn’t any point staying at the hospital, they kept taking us to a side room whilst they did things, then taking us back. I could see her fighting it, I’m sure she heard our voices but the nurse said she was too weak, she needed to be sedated. I stood there watching her life slip away, 10% kept echoing in my head, it’s nothing really is it.

It’s now 2.30am and I’ve just rang intensive care, she’s still the same but you can just tell from chatting to the nurse that they don’t hold out much hope.

So guy’s, if you don’t see any blogs for a while you know why. It’s odd, I want to cry but can’t, I just feel numb.