Stella Street

I recently bought the BBC2 comedy ‘Stella Street’ On dvd. To be fair I’d only ever seen the odd 5 mins of it here and there but it had always made me chuckle. So seeing it for £5 on play.com I decided to give it a go. Having watched it I can honestly say it’s the best comedy I’ve seen in a while even though it has been around for a ages. It has had some excellent reviews and press coverage but it remains much underrated.

Basically the plot revolves around celebrities giving up their Hollywood lifestyle to cohabit on Stella Street which is hidden away in leafy Surbiton, West London. Just Imagine Mick Jagger, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, David Bowie, Jack Nicholson and the iconic Michael Caine all living together on a suburban street. They aren’t the only celebrities, there’s many more appearances and fictional residents of Stella Street , all done by the amazingly talented John Sessions, Phil Cornwall and the delectable Roni Ancona. The whole dvd made me laugh from beginning to end.

Mad Britain

I’m not really into politics but watching the news yesterday several things alarmed me, made me think that good old Blighty is becoming madder then ever.

First up was the new EU directive on road signs and measures the government plan to introduce. Gone is the pint for some new fangled Euro measurement and the mile and acre will go as well, mad. Imagine losing the good old British phrase of ‘Are we going for a pint?’

Then there’s new government legislation to make downloading certain types of porn illegal, it was termed as ‘images seen as degrading, violent or of people being restrained’. I’m all for stamping out images of kids or so called snuff movies as there is no place in society for that evil but I think people should be able to download porn if they want to, the chances are they have to pay for it anyway. As people we are all diverse in what turns us on sexually and it’s not really right for the government to dictate to people unless of course it is illegal. There are thousands of people out there into bdsm, domination and the fetish scene in general, who are just normal everyday people with a penchant for something different and that is their choice or preference. Next they’ll be trying to ban sites for gay or lesbian people, to me it all smacks of something sinister when I thought we as a nation were quite liberal.

Next up was the school in Northampton that’s allowing pupils to swear in class, it’s the brain child of the headmaster there who says its part of the culture nowadays, well he may have a point but call me old fashioned but do we really need to propagate the use of swearing? Media, society and movies do it for us!

Another headline to grab me was gas prices rising again, the news stating that gas prices have gone up on average £100 over the last 2 years. Pensioners saying that their pension rises aren’t covering increasing bills. So we have scenarios where old people are afraid to put the kettle on in fear of the next gas bill. I find it sad really, especially when gas company directors probably retire on a fat hand out to the south of France where they won’t have to worry about heating on their sun kissed yacht.

Then of course, there were the crimes on the news, woman shot at christening by youths, woman and child set fire to in their home by youths – I guess these headlines seem common place these days.

If only they had a happy alternative to the news, full of good headlines. Oh well, I still love this country despite the above concerns, I suppose it could be worse – I could live in America.

Whale of a time - NOT

Is it just me or does anyone else out there hate the new cover version of Spark’s ‘This town ain’t big enough for the both of us’ by British Whale? It gives me nausea on hearing it even though I love the original Sparks version. British Whale is of course the new solo project of the spandex simpleton from the Darkness ‘Justin Hawkins’ and for destroying this classic song I’d like to see him hunted and harpooned. I loath the Darkness as a band and sat cringing when they scooped trophies at the Brit awards the other year. Hawkins is now going solo for a while and is sounding like a piss poor Kate Bush crossed with degenerate Aled Jones (ok that’s the best comparison I can do at 5.25am).

Now don’t get me wrong I don’t mind cover versions, the odd one dare I say improves on the original, Siouxsie’s version of Kraftwerk’s ‘Hall of Mirrors’ to name one, incidentally Siouxsie covered the above the above Sparks song well too but I fucking hate Hawkins and what he’s done to my beloved Sparks song. KILL KILL KILL the British Whale !!!

Reality realisations

I liked reality t.v programmes but a couple of instances of the weekend made me think about the negatives of it. Saturday I tuned in to watch the opening show of X-Factor and was sat giggling with my mate at the eager hopefuls. Towards the end of the programme a girl of about 21 stepped up, a home made cape adorned her neck with well wishing messages scrawled on it from friends and family, as she stepped into the fray to meet the judges of fate her family clasped their hands in hope for her. Needless to say she wasn’t up to the grade and was given thumbs down by all three judges. As she retreated in floods of tears her partner, mother and some other family member promptly confronted the judges, dropped to their knees and begged to the judges. I found this unsettling, my laughter starkly turning to mild shock at what I was viewing, the lengths people are willing to go to in order to get noticed or get their way. When begging didn’t help her family became surly and insulting as to the judges prowess but I couldn’t help musing what would have been said had Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh approved her. In my opinion they were right, she wasn’t good but the episode left a bad taste in my mouth regarding human traits and nature.

Second thing I want to mention is the Big Bro follow up programme that was on last night. The ‘fly on the wall’ show followed the housemates and their lives post Big Bro. The main thing that made me cringe was watching the contestants pursue their dreams back in the real world. Mary auditioned to be an aspiring actress, she didn’t impress, Science wanted to become a rapper but despite his enthusiasm nobody had seemingly snapped him up, recording moguls just offered encouragement. Lesley tried her hand at singing, submitted a tape of her work but was politely turned down and most of the others had different mad-cap ideas about how famous they’d become. Sure, all of them have gone on to do magazine shoots, nightclub appearances and cinema openings and make some money but as I predicted, Eugene was the only housemate to keep his feet squarely on the ground as he made various radio appearances, radio being his hobby anyway. Eugene didn’t seem star struck at all, neither was their any delusions of grandeur, just a look of surprise when he realised his winnings were in the bank. Anthony (the winner) seemed fairly level headed too, which I didn’t expect, he remarked the fame would be good while it lasted but he was back to his job dancing with a disco troupe. The point I think I want to make is how a spell behind a camera inflates the ego to massive proportions, people with no talent suddenly think they have purely down to the fact they’ve been on t.v, when most of them realise its back to reality and then money, public appearances and five minutes of fame ends – how will they think? Will their ego’s still be as big? Will they be resentful and despondent and blame everyone but themselves? I doubt I’ll find out but it would be interesting to see how many of them end up in therapy or desperately cling to a paparazzi camera at every ‘out and about in London’ opportunity.

Mindwarp

On Friday of this week one of my music heroes is playing Camden Underworld – Zodiac Mindwarp. I fondly remember head banging to his hit ‘Prime Mover’ in a local dive of a night club in town. I’m not sure why Zodiac faded from the scene but I had my ideas why the local night club shut down!

Anyway, Zodiac is back and playing venues again and a new album is in the wings to be released, which warms my psychotronic love commando corrupted heart (Zody's words, not mine ).

I contacted Pat my friend in London and sounded him out about going to the gig, Pat remarked he didn’t care for Zodiac Mindwarp but someone once commented he looked like him!

What Pat really looks like is Ricky Tomlinson though with longer hair and a beard.

And the real winner is ....

For me the real winner of Big Bore 2005 was the self styled Geek and wannabe comedian ‘Eugene’ but as ever the British public chose vanity over common sense and voted for Anthony. During the series my initial zest for the programme has faded and I didn’t watch every episode like some sycophant to Channel 4.

I would have liked Eugene to win just to see the others faces, Geek he may be but he presented some sort of normality to the oddball bunch of housemates. In my opinion when he was presented with the 50k in the diary room he made the right choice, though the others said they wouldn’t have took it we all know they would have done. Eugene thinking he wasn’t going to win and most likely on the way out at when B.B asked for someone to go to the diary room, trudged forward and was about to fall onto his sword but it wasn’t to be and the 50k became his. The other paranoid housemates were uncannily reluctant to go. As he said, at least this way there was two winners and he was exactly right. In this hedonistic, greedy and selfish world, why not take the money? The whole point of the show is to win money so let’s not get all ethical here, he did the logical thing.

As for the other housemates what can I say?

Derek was perhaps one that stood out for me amongst a crowd on non-descript characters, I’m sure he’ll go onto better things – and rightly so. Most of the others were one trick dog’s with very little charisma. Craig should have gone in the first kick out but his crying probably saved him, this insidious individual only abilities consisted of sticking clam-like to Anthony or casting evil looks in the direction of the others, should anything go wrong then it was the little boy lost routine.

Makosi was tantamount to being lynched after her exit, she showed no remorse when questioned by the seemingly jaded Davina.

Another year ends and next up will be the farcical Celebrity Big Bro nearer Christmas. I’m sure Anthony will be spread over tacky magazines for the next few weeks and most of the others will fade into obscurity or pantomimes, though the television programme Brainiacs has already expressed interest in hiring Eugene, a role he’d be fabulous and entertaining at.

http://www.channel4.com/bigbrother/

Real Pubs No.1

I love pubs, they are a fine institution, plain and simple. The thing is I like real pubs with real people not these plastic places that grace the high streets these days. So I’ve decided on a new regular feature on the hobbits journal

Drum roll ....

Yes its real pubs, a new occasional spot were I review a real rough arse dive or pub with real character and charm. It’s fair to say that most pubs from south of the holy river Trent won’t be included as the south has shandy drinkers and fancy pant wine bars (a kicking will result from this I’m sure!)

Anyway my first review pub is the Vine Hotel in Newark, located on Barnby Gate just out of the town centre. I first went into the Vine a few weeks ago with my dad, he lives nearby and what a gem of a pub we found. As we walked in a smile appeared on my face as I was greeted by the theme tune to the ‘A-team’ which was followed by the avengers music and then star trek! I looked at my dad and we shrugged and settle back onto the sparse wooden seating with two glasses of Warsteiner lager. Looking about the L shaped pub I noticed chalkboards above the bar with anecdotes on, most likely written by the regulars. Then of course there is the ‘regulars’ and what a bunch of real people they were, toothless ladies, burly tradesmen and old guys who will probably depart with sage wisdom if you talk to them. Though the language in the tap room area is sometimes flowery the locals seem a friendly accepting bunch of mixed ages. The Vine is a pub for the ordinary bloke, somewhere to chill after a hard day at work and banter with the locals, the beer is excellent and natives are friendly if perhaps not to be crossed.

Ratings (out of 10)

Beer – (8) A good choice of beers including the refreshing Warsteiner

Chance of a beating - (7) Locals are friendly but look like they have bite!

Interior – (5) Sparse but functional tap room, just as it should be, though there is a lounge area to the rear.

Facilities – (8) A free pool table and eclectic mix of music, some no frills food available to the taste of the working man, forget fancy stuff.

For more info check the Newark camra website.

http://www.newarkcamra.org.uk/bgp/default.htm

Second helping

For the first time in 30 years Roobarb & Custard are back on Channel 5 every morning at 8.45am and with me working nights I get to watch it !!! YAY

The original episodes are being screened followed by 39 brand new episodes with Richard Briers still narrating at the age of 71 !!!!

I can’t believe it was shown way back in 1974 but who can forget that signature tune? A tune that was punk before punk came along !! (I also have it on my phone). The wobbly animation is still there and so are the antics, watch, enjoy and bask in the nostalgia that will surge over you!

Best and worst

It came as no shock on watching Channel 4’s ‘Best and worst places to live in the UK’ that my home town of Mansfield reared it’s ugly head at No.6 in the Uk’s worst. Nottingham came in at No.2 which I didn’t expect but with the recent crime increase I thought it may possibly gain a mention. The show was based on statistics taken from over 400 and something constituencies in the UK, including crime, education, employment, housing, standard of living (parks etc) and entertainment.

Sat there watching it I didn’t feel the urge to challenge the comments about my home town as the presenters highlighted crime, the huge amount of cctv camera’s we have and other unsavoury issues here. Mansfield is infamous for handing out an ASBO (anti social behaviour order) to the youngest offender in the country aged only 13. The programme did highlight some of the better points of the town but not in any great detail, apart from cheap housing.

Personally speaking I’m no fan of the town I live in, though I was once very much in love with it. At one time there were the mines, factories and the local brewery that provided a lot of income and jobs for the town but they have all gone to be replaced by retail units or shops forcing Mansfield to face a transition of sorts. It’s not the people of my town I dislike, though some I dislike intensely for their insular attitudes (and no, I don’t mean my workmates, though they can be insular I don’t hate them). Basically Mansfield isn’t the great town it once was, it’s not the people that I blame but perhaps the powers that be, which leave unused factories to stand and wasteland undeveloped. It seems we have a local authority that isn’t in tune with what the town really needs or what the town could indeed become. I also blame the local police for seemingly avoiding some areas of the town, this only lets crime fester and breed. A friend of mine that works for the local police told me that usually there’s only 2 police cars on patrol in the town at any one time, a fact that alarmed me considerably. It seems that the government already thinks this area is over staffed when local police expressed concern about levels of policing here.

In the future I hope Mansfield becomes what it once was again, a bustling market town with character with great night life and better prospects for all but for this to happen it needs rejuvenation and re-development and for the local authority to open their eyes and see the bigger picture and not just brag about things it ‘may’ have planned for the future, empty promises that never happen such as retail, town developments and theme parks!

Anyway for a full list of the best and worst places to live in the UK check out the Channel 4 website below;

http://www.channel4.com/4homes/ontv/best&worst/

The youngest ever ASBO story I mentioned can be found on the link below;

http://www.mansfield.gov.uk/pr_news_20050421_asbo.htm

Liked

Well, as an alternative to the 'Bugging me' mail yesterday here's a few things I like at the moment.

• Checkout girls - they always smile and say something cheerful, some have big knockers too
• Siousxie - fab music, awesome imagery and looks, tie me up and whip me now!
• Ainsley's noodles - ok so he's irritating but his noodles are cheap and quick to make
• My Mp3 player - yes we're still very much in love
• Jaffa cakes - always
• My new look minimalist living room - plenty of space
• The Vine pub - recently discovered in Newark's back streets, how refreshingly rough it is
• Knowing Big Brother is soon to end - yep I've had enough of it, obscurity awaits them!
• My growing cd collection - 10 purchased last weekend alone

Vote now !

On checking my email at work last night I noticed our head of Personnel had sent a mail enquiring what sort of ‘themed’ Christmas party we would like this year, this mail being sent on August 3rd. It read;

‘With only 143 shopping days to Christmas (and more importantly therefore only 128 days to the Christmas Party!), we really need to be thinking of our theme for this year, so it's VOTING TIME!!’

After an initial wave of nausea because I hate Christmas I began laughing hysterically with disbelief that someone could be so sad as to send a mail like this in high summer. We have to now vote as to what theme we want, such as vicars and tarts, Bond, super heroes etc - I vote we just go and get pissed and eat the free food or not go at all.

Mind you that person is most likely getting 20k plus for doing mails such as that, there’s no wonder morale is so low where I work, you should see her monthly pub quiz ones.

Object of my desires

On September the 1st something very exciting happens in the world of gadgets, the Sony PSP is launched in the UK. Not only am I excited about this I’m actually dreaming about owning one, sad indeedy. For those of you who are wondering what I’m waffling about and what the Sony PSP actually is, the answer is simple, it’s the epitome of handheld entertainment. Stand aside ipod, you won’t be the most sought after pocket companion anymore, the doozy pictured above will.

The PSP isn’t just a portable games machine, it’s an Mp3 player, play’s movies and acts as a personal organiser too, displaying pictures and holding allsorts of information on universal media disk's or Sony’s dual stick memory. It’s going to be the ideal companion for someone on the move or just relaxing and heralds the shape of things to come. I’m counting the days till Thursday September the 1st.

Oh yes and I chose the photo of the Japanese girl holding the Sony PSP aloft, because she’s almost as cute as the PSP.

Bugging me

Things bugging me at the moment are;


Old people waiting for a bus then deciding to find their money at the last moment at the bottom of a large shopping bag.

People invading my space. After a night out over at my dads last week I was waiting for a bus in plenty of space only for several people to come and stand right next to me. Must be my charisma.

Dogs – I’m really not keen.

The town where I live – characterless.

Lincs FM radio. We listen to it at work, shockingly bad and filled with cheesy adverts.

People stopping me and asking for directions when they really have no idea where they need to be going in the first place.

Plastic fun type pubs.

OAP electric buggy cars that think they have the right of way in the street and supermarkets, they beep their horn or give you black looks if you don't immediately move.

People giving me lots of change all of the time.

Rant over!

Siouxsie

For some reason I’ve always overlooked (to my shame) Siouxsie though I’d heard plenty of her songs. So recently I’ve been buying some of her cd’s catching up and immersing myself in the music that is Siousxie and the Banshees and thoroughly enjoying her diverse and many styles. Not only that but didn’t she look just fab at the Brit awards earlier this year (see photo above), she makes my hobbit knees go weak!

She don't half sound good too!

Bands of the week

Listened to bands of the week;

Siouxsie and the Banshees
Ladytron
Hole
Fluffy
Tomcraft
Headrillaz and Ricky Barrow
The Beatles

Yep and Boney M ...